SHY? Tackling The"Talking Trauma"for Teens

SHY? Tackling The "Talking Trauma" for Teens

"Growing up on a farm with nine brothers and sisters didn't give me much time nor attention," said PJ. "I was so shy that it seemed like a disease."

There was no way PJ could be part of the drama clubs, much less the debate team. "Fortunately, I was a big kid with a fair amount of athletic skill, who didn't talk much."

"Go to a school dance? How could I? I may have to talk to people . . . even girls. Never!"

PJ is now CEO of a Washington-based insurance company and a superb conversationalist. How did he "cure" himself?

"I observed the people who seemed to have good social skills. My math teacher took an interest in me because he saw that I had some math aptitude.

"I watched him at school, at community events and around town. He was always so congenial; so easy to talk to and to be around. He was my role model and mentor. So, I imitated him and acted like he did. My classmates, team members, people in my church reacted so openly that my comfort level escalated. The more open and friendly I was, the more I smiled, asked questions, shared stories, the more other people responded. After a year or so, I could be around people and feel comfortable. No longer shy."

PJ's Pearls and Pointers:

Shyness is normal and cureable.

Decide you want to work on overcoming shyness.

Find a role model or two with good social and conversational skills.

Identify their best behaviors.

Ask them if they could help you.

Read a paper.

Be interested in others.

Listen to comments and answers.

Have good eye contact.

Learn good manners and etiquette.

Rejections feel awful. People (kids and adults) can be thoughtless and sometimes cruel and unfriendly. But, no matter where you are, there are always nice kids who are friendly and open; smart and funny, and considerate. Would you want to hang out with people who aren't?

Turn about is fair play. We need to be sure we are friendly to the "new kids," and to kids who are different, and to make them comfortable.

Just think of yourself as part of "Rescue 911" . . . captain of the rescue squad for the shy guy or girl.

Bonus Points:

Think of how you will introduce yourself at any gathering.

Think of what you may have in common with the other kids.

Bring your smile with you. If you smile and say hello, almost everyone will imitate you!

By the way, PJ says he still thinks of himself as shy. What he does at meetings, parties or conventions is try to make others feel comfortable and that takes the pressure off of him!

Susan RoAne is a keynote speaker and author who has "worked" trade shows, conventions, planes, and pools, and the bleachers at Wrigley Field. She learned her political lessons growing up in Chicago. Her latest book, What Do I Say Next?, her best-sellers - also on tape - How to Work a Room (Warner Books) and The Secrets of Savvy Networking Networking, are available in local bookstores, through the Book of the Month Club and Quality Paper Back Club, and on the net. She is located in San Francisco; call 415-239-2224 or "work" Susan's website: http://www.susanroane.com/. Email: Susan@SusanRoAne.com

How-To BTB Articles, Dept BTB
PMB 6618, 2711 Centerville Rd., Ste 120, Wilmington, DE 19808

24-Hour Phone / Fax: +1 (757) 282-7779